Why was six afraid of seven? 
It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear. 

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? 
The Holocaust. 

what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? 
we are both lawyers 

A man walks into a bar, he is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? 
Cancer. 

A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because its a duck.

How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? 
Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won’t fall and hurt himself. 

how do you make a plumber cry?
you kill his family 

Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.

A platypus walks into a bar. They are the only mammals with the ability to lay an egg.

How do you get a clown off of a swing? 
Hit him with an axe 

Why did the young boy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a bus.

Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains! 
That’s the least of your problems. You’ve got AIDS. 

Why is Scientology the Fastest Growing Religion of 21st Century? 
It isn’t, its a cult. 

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. Bars serve people of all religions.

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? 
An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound. 

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? 
Because it was dead. 

Why did the waiter put rubber bands in the soup? 
Because he wasn’t a very good waiter.